just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
