i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
