He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
