her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Randomize
