im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
