I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
