Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
