I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
there is glitter all over my balls
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
