I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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