Where is the hickey?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my being single is dangerous.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
