We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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