GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
