why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
