In the future we'll all be gay
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My feet surprised me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
