I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
