Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
