after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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