Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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