i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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