If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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