i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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