The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
