Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I didn't notice because vodka
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
