I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
