Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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