how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
