I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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