So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
