I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
