I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
