found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
