I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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