So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
