Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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