Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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