You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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