We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
