he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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