whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Welp...herpes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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