She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
