Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
