He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
