she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
