dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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