Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
