Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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