God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
