your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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