I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
