dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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