just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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