Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
