Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
