I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
