we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
