Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize