Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
