ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize