Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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