I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
