It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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