This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
