Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
