My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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