The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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