Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
