im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
