It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
