"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
