I'm so fucking centered right now
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize