Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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