Whod you bang
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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